Monday Evening Meltdown

It happened one night over a bad batch of vegan pesto. It tasted awful and it tipped off an avalanche of stifled emotions I had been packing away for, apparently, a very long time.

Frustrations.

Stresses.

Anxieties.

Annoyances.

Everything came toppling out as the tears overflowed and wouldn’t stop. I cried in the bathroom, I cried in the kitchen, I cried over the dishes and settled for another good cry in the bedroom. Finally I laced up my running shoes and pushed myself out the door, desperate to snap out of it.

When it was all said and done, I was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. But I also felt lighter. Refreshed.

I felt a little bit embarrassed, too.

This perceived weakness of emotion and the expression or release of them is something I struggle with. But emotions don’t ever go away. They eventually manifest themselves somehow – in an epic meltdown, lashing out at someone you love, or some other self defeating behavior.

I finally came to see myself as someone I cared for. As someone who was having a hard time. As someone who needed to cry it out and let some heavy stuff go. Yes, this is self love, I thought.

I chose not to beat myself up for my little emotional episode. I chose not to feel guilty for breaking down and being vulnerable. I allowed myself to be human and to not view that as a weakness.

I also slept like a rock that night.

Everyone breaks at some point. It’s human nature. Life is messy and no one can handle the pressures of the world all the time. So let yourself break. Allow yourself to fall down, to cry, to admit the overwhelming gravity of being human. It is far greater to show weakness in this way and then rise up stronger, lighter –  than to resist vulnerability until it’s too late.

Your wellbeing is worth it. And your heart will thank you for it.

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